Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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