babies were throwing up all over the place
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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