How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
