Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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