I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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