i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
