i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
