Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
