Got a toothbrush?
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
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