Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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