saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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