There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
