Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
