Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
