Apparently you make a good broom.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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