i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
