:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
We smell like vodka and hangover
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