Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
