the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
