I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
