fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
