Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
birth control should be required to get into college
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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