Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
