ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
