need another drink. this is the easiest way
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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