She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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