have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
