I think im going to throw up on grandma
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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