she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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