Someone shit on the floor
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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