So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
