I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
That was before I lit my hair on fire
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
