So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
