so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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