so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
