Dual....:-)
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
