i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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