dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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