I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
