I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
