i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
