i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
