He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
