I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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