you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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