I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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