She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
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