You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
