Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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