Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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