How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
