I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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